I can’t understand all the buzz going around about Victoria’s Secret coming to Fond du Lac. With a gleam in their eye and excitement in their voices, women have already begun planning aloud all the wonderful shopping excursions awaiting them at the popular lingerie store.

I can only wince when I think back about shopping for unmentionables – especially with little boys in tow.

“We’re not going to the bra jungle again are we?” my sons whined in unison. “That’s so gross!”

And how could you blame them? With every shape, size and color imaginable (including leopard and tiger prints) hanging from every rack imaginable, it probably did resemble a fabric forest to their little minds.

Because I was the recipient of hand-me-downs from three older sisters over the years, I was a little amazed and overwhelmed by all the choices when I did finally get to the store: seamless, strapless, convertible, underwire, jogging and push-up bras only to name a few.

I’ve also noticed a change in marketing tactics over the years. Remember the Cross Your Heart bra that promised to lift and separate? Well, the goal of today’s push-up bra is to make mountains out of molehills by cramming them together for the sake of cleavage.

“Oh, if only we had the Wonderbra when we were in junior high,” sighed a childhood friend one day as she leafed through a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. “Then I wouldn’t have had to stuff my bra before square-dancing in gym class.”

Unlike today’s gel-laden bras, toilet tissue pilfered from the school bathroom stalls had its shortcomings. By the time my friend was through do-sa-doeing around the gymnasium floor with her sweaty-handed partner, the tissue in her training bra had promenaded off in different directions.

“I kept wondering why my partner had a hard time making eye contact,” she laughed. “I was so embarrassed that I hid in the bathroom stall and cried.”

Well, at least she had something to dry her tears with!

A new marketing campaign aimed at young girls has many mothers also shedding tears - of frustration. A big box department store has released a line of lingerie for little girls – including padded bras – sporting the images of Barbie and the Bratz dolls. What’s most disturbing is that the bras, which are very mature-looking, start at Size 6.

Most little girls that I know wearing Size 6 clothing are still in kindergarten and first grade. Many parents refuse to buy the underwear or the company’s claims that the idea behind padding the “bralettes” is for girls to be discreet as they develop.
In fact, outraged parents are inundating the store with demands to take the garments off the racks. The Australia Family Association has gone so far as to warn parents against sexualizing their children at such a young age.

Let’s face it folks, when they removed bras from manikins and started advertising with live models, bras became a more visible icon of female sex-appeal, like it or not. But to market adult-styled lingerie to little girls who still believe in the Tooth Fairy is a bit disconcerting.
And because I have never had the pleasure of having a daughter that is one shopping decision I will never have to make. It’s bad enough that I had to tolerate bra-hunting for myself under the scornful gaze of my sons and their never-ending, colorful narration.

“Look! That one’s got hearts all over it! Yuck!”

I can only hope that they have daughters and have to someday fight their way through the ‘bra jungle’ at home. Now that would be payback.