A Time Like No Other...

Before all the talk about the Avian Flu, I actually liked chickens. But not as much as my son, Jake. As a little boy, he had an affinity for the feathered creatures and was always on hand to collect eggs or round up a few stray hens that got into my flowerbeds.

As he got older, about 4 or so, he
begged for his own flock of chickens. So when I spyed an ad for a small flock near Mount Calvary, we headed to the Holyland. With seven hens and a rooster, Jake was in command and promptly named them all: Kellie and Mellie (Kellie, a brahma, is pictured above), Huey, Dewey and Louey, Lacey, Bucca and I can't remember the rest (the monikers are emblazoned for posterity's sake on a quilt I made for him when he was in kindergarten). Jake was constantly in the chicken coop, checking on his hens and feeding them. Of course, his favorites, Kellie and Mellie, received special privileges - riding on the handle-bars of his bike or balancing on a trapeeze on the swingset.

As time passed we added on to his flock; cochins, buff orpingtons, barred rocks, australorps, and more. While this venture taught my son the responsibilities of caring for animals, it also taught him the stark reality of life. One morning before leaving for kindergarten, Jake's friend burst into the house to tell me Jake's chickens were dead. Running to the granary, there stood my 5-year-old son with a tear-streaked face, surrounded by the carcasses of his feathered pets that had been ruthlessly slaughtered by a mink. At least half of the birds were dead and another handfull were clinging to life by a slim margin.

Fortunately, Kellie and Mellie were astute (or just plain lucky) enough to stay put on their elevated roost during the marauder's attack. We moved the surviving birds into the waterhouse. We did catch the mink and Jake did rebuild his flock - however, more slowly this time. His crowning achievement was winning Grand Champion hen at the FDL County Fair with his white cochin hen, Mrs. Salt (Mr. Salt took second in the crowing contest). As Jake got older, his interest in chickens waned as his involvement in sports and school grew. After the last chicken went into the stew pot, we never did have chickens afterward although I was tempted a time or two, but that feeling passed quickly.

Now as a senior at UW-Madison, he blushes whenever we mention his passion for chickens when he was a little boy. However, the payoffs from that long ago hobby -hard work, perseverance and responsibility - continue to hold him in good stead as he nears his Bachelor of Science Degree. And no, it's not poultry science!

No Kidding

As I looked through the Dodge County Sheriff dispatch logs last week, I was surprised to see the entry about a goat running amok on Highway 41 near Lomira. Seems the escapee was running near the busy thoroughfare around 2 a.m. causing some motorists to swerve to avoid hitting the animal. What wasn't surprising was that officers were unable to take the ornery critter into custody, claiming it was 'wild'.

Now I am sure they didn't mean the animal was wild in the sense that deer are, but rather that it was uncontrollable. I think the word they should have used was that the animal was 'wily', 'ornery', 'uncooperative' or just plain 'stubborn'. The other question posed to me by readers was why a goat would be out running around near the highway at such an unearthly early hour? Surely it wasn't out trying to do some last minute Christmas shopping. My prediction was that the goat was running away from home and here's why.

When I first married my husband they had a billy goat (named Billy) that lived on the farm. Originally the goat was sort of a pet for my husband's younger brothers and sister but over time he became the nemesis of my brother-in-law Steve. This wily creature, complete with goatee (or beard) would stand patiently in the mangers, munching along with the cows and leaving his droppings to soil the bunk. Infuriated, Steve would pursue the animal into a smaller building where the goat would elude him, using small ledges like a mountain goat to escape his would-be captor. All the while we could hear Steve weaving a tapestry of obscenities that left the younger kids staring in amazement at their usually mild-manner uncle and the rest of us in stitches laughing as the familiar scene played out once again - with Billy being the obvious winner.

Of course the kids and womenfolk would plead on the goat's behalf. Glowering, Steve would stalk away vowing revenge on the sure-footed creature. As Billy got older and grew stronger, he began to pick his shots more carefully. No one seemed immune from this animal's cunning. While bending over and forking up hay, the horned demon would sneak up from behind, lower his head and take aim at the unsuspecting victim. After I became the butt of his pranks, he lost my vote of confidence. And when a relative found a hobby farmer willing to take the rogue goat in, there was no one left willing to shed a tear.

So maybe the goat running freely on the highway was Billy looking for another family to torment. Or perhaps there was a farmer (no doubt cursing under his breath) hot on the goat's heels and wondering if goat meat is palatable. And if officers had caught the goat, would anyone show up to claim him? Doubtful.

In all the years we have been married there have been a few cardinal rules in our relationship: medical emergencies involving farm animals supercede all social engagements, it is better to shop alone than with a farmer and no goats. No kidding.

Going, going, gone!

Some of the state’s fastest talkers will come together next month when the 2007 Wisconsin Auctioneers Conference meets in the Wisconsin Dells. Imagine the cacophony that will fill that meeting room!
While known for their lightning-fast delivery on the auction block, most people don’t realize the work these folks do when they aren’t bringing down the gavel and yelling “Sold, to the highest bidder!”

Auctioneers plan, organize and coordinate auctions and must become marketing experts and understand advertising techniques. Many continue to use the traditional print media but many have ramped up their advertising by using the internet. They’re also out and about networking, getting to know potential customers and contacting them well in advance of an auction.

To make the most for their clients, auctioneers need to know the value of the products they sell and the best way to present it. They also know how to get ride of the klinkers. C’mon, raise your hand if you’ve been stuck with the bucket of bolts, sickly green lamp and pair of old roller-skates that were thrown in as part of the package deal just to get the one item you had coveted from afar. Don’t worry, white elephant gift exchanges are a great place to unload these treasures.

A good auctioneer like Pat O’Brien of Eden also knows how to get the crowd in a good buying mood with a few good jokes or anecdotes aimed harmlessly at folks sitting in the audience. Here’s a joke I customized just for Pat.

One day a man went to an auction being called by Pat O’Brien. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to Pat, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry", Pat said, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Survey says....

No, I don't want to bore you with a recap of Richard Dawson's smarminess (is that a word?) on Family Feud as he uttered this grating trademark response when turning towards the tote board. But rather the surveys that arrive by the oodles in farmer's mailboxes asking (sometimes demanding) that you fill out all the data associated with your operation.

If you're like some folks, those blue envelopes from the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture Statistics find their way to the bottom of the mail pile. Don't worry, they'll send another. If some surveyors don't hear from you, be assured they know your telephone number too and that farmers are usually only in the house during mealtimes and just before bedtime.

But before you throw at that envelope, it literally pays to look inside as some companies desperate for cooperation have opted to pay participants - even going so far to tuck a crisp $1 bill inside. "You mean I threw out money?" my mother-in-law exclaimed when I asked her one day. Some offer to send a check to your home after the completed survey is safely in their hands.

Just the other day one company invited my husband and a few other farmers to provide feedback for their latest ad compaign in the works. To sweeten the deal they treated the men to a dinner of prime rib and a check for $100. So next time an envelope arrives in the mail remember folks like me at the newspaper office and those magazines you read depend on that information (so don't tell them you have 900 goats or something) to provide accurate stories on trends impacting farmers. And second, you may just find a little spending cash tucked inside.

Local Ag Newsmakers

Local residents made headlines in the world of agriculture recently. Waupun resident, Kim Brown-Pokorny was among five individuals honored for their years of support and outstanding service to World Dairy Expo. This year's 'Friends of Expo' recipients were honored during a special volunteer appreciation dinner last week in Madison, where nearly 200 volunteers gathered to acknowledge their contributions and celebrate the dairy show's 40th birthday.Pokorny is no stranger to awards at World Dairy Expo. She and her family exhibited three animals that placed among the top five at this year's Central National Brown Swiss Show. In addition, her University of Wisconsin-Platteville dairy cattle judging team won the Intercollegiate Contest in 1993. Anchor of the team, she was the 2nd high individual in the contest and placed 4th in reasons. Always quick to give back to those who have given to her, Pokorny has served as Superintendent of the National 4-H Dairy Cattle Judging Contest for the past eight years. During that time, approximately 240 4-H teams and nearly 1,000 youth have participated in the contest under her direction. From 1997 to 2005 she has also served as a cornerstone of the Central National Ayrshire Show, volunteering as what is believed to be Expo's first and only female ring steward.

Bill Bruins of Waupun was re-elected president of the board of directors of the Wisconsin Farm Bureau Federation at the organization's 87th Annual Meeting in Middleton. Bruins was also re-elected to a three year term on the board as district representatives. The Wisconsin Farm Bureau Federation is the state’s largest general farm organization providing legislative representation, public relations, leadership development and services to farmers across the state.

Fond du Lac brothers Dan and Dave Bertram were featured in the Farm Journal winner’s circle for the 2006 Farm Journal’s “I Built the Best” contest that recognizes outstanding creativity in designing equipment used on the farm. The pair thought long and hard before building a four-wheel-drive, 100' sprayer that features air-ride suspension, GPS auto-section controls and easy filling. With the help of employee Greg Casper, the Bertram’s built their sprayer for less than half the cost of a new machine.According to a Farm Journal press release, the brothers decided what features they wanted and then shopped until they found the right components. Some parts for the sleek-looking rig came from a Ford truck, a John Deere combine and a Case IH tractor.The spray rig can travel down the road at speeds of up to 38 mph and makes quick work of big spray jobs. “Depending on the field size and the row length, we can spray 80 acres per hour,” Dan said. “That’s nice.”

This is Just Wrong

Giving in to the pleading of my youngest son, we went to see the movie "Barnyard" this fall. The film is based on the premise that there is more to farm animals than outward appearances, and we poor humans are just not privvy to the secret lives of our barnyard dwellers (although we seem to be the object of their ridicule).

Ok, so the movie was fun to watch, but as a person who is up close and personal with bovine anatomy, it was disturbing to see the male characters of Otis and his father, Ben (king of the barnyard) sporting udders.

Hello!!! Who did the research for this movie? I know for a fact they knew the difference between cows and bulls from spying a definitely male bovine sporting a nose ring in the background of the crowd shots. Apparently I'm not alone. Thousands have voiced the same question only to be answered by writer/producer/director Steve Oedekerk that udders are simply 'funny'.

He goes on to say that he spent a nanosecond thinking about the dangling anatomy and said udders on the male characters weren't meant to define gender. (Oh, thank goodness. Imagine trying to sort animals by voice alone at milking time?) In the movie, Oedekerk said his lead characters Otis and Ben are clearly men and the women (chickens and cows) are clearly women. "There's no weird stuff that's going on. It just looks funny," said Oedekerk in an interview with Reel Reviews.

Sam Elliot who plays the masculine (although udder-bedecked) male cow leader, Ben, said he also struggled with the anatomical correctness before taking on the role. I guess he said it best. "what else are they going to put down there (Otis and Ben) and still maintain the family friendly rating? Hmmmmmm. Definitely got a point there!

It's Just Not Meant to Be

Standing on the front porch this morning trying to call in our border collie by yelling at the top of my lungs, I thought about how easy it would be just to be able to produce one of those ear-piercing whistles. Some folks just seem to be blessed with this talent, but alas not I.

Most of the cows in our herd have tuned out the vocal rantings of us humans, but a shrill whistle seems to perk up every ear in the freestall barn. While my mother-in-law is an accomplished whistler (not the loud truck-driver sort, but more melodic) she didn't pass that trait on to my husband. And because I am also genetically deficient in that area, our kids are also doomed to sputter out faint tunes as well.

I always wondered if whistling could be a learned talent...or if it was a skill that is simply innate. While thumbing through the Farmer's Almanac I came across an article about this talent. Steve Herbst, a world champion whistler said it's a learned art and goes on to provide tips on technique to improve your abilities. Visit www.almanac.com/extras and hit the amusements link. Let me know if it helps. By gosh if seven dwarfs could whistle is it possible I can improve? Then maybe, just maybe, I can whistle along to the theme song from the Andy Griffin show "the Fishing Hole" without embarassing myself.

And one word of caution to would-be whistlers...they say kissing can hamper your performance by making the lips "mushy". Who'd have thought!

Farm Healthcare Reform Options

Imagine paying out of your pocket more money for an insurance premium that you actually receive in wages. That’s a reality at farms all across Wisconsin. In a recent survey done by the Farm Bureau, over 14 percent of Wisconsin farm families carry no health insurance while 17 percent of farmers only carry catastrophic insurance – meaning deductibles that can top out at $5,000 or more.

It’s no wonder that many spouses have left their place on the farm seeking jobs with health care benefits for their families. When I worked at Sargento Cheese, many women married to self-employed husbands took jobs solely for the insurance and prescription drug benefit. When I finally became eligible for a family policy, we were able to drop the farm’s family policy and take out a single policy on my husband, saving over $1,000 a month.

There has to be a better solution than extending the family workforce. But because farmers work in a high-risk occupation and most farm operations do not have enough employees to qualify for participation in large insurance purchasing pools, they’re stuck paying high premiums and deductibles and incredible out-of-pocket expenses. But the Wisconsin Farm Bureau is trying to launch major reforms on how health care is accessed and paid for by Wisconsin farm families.

According to the Wisconsin Ag Connection, at today’s Wisconsin Farm Bureau Federation annual meeting in Middleton, WFBF President Bill Bruins of Waupun announced the formation of a new health care task force to provide affordable, accessible health care to all farmers in the state. He vowed the group won’t stop until it makes headway in making health care affordable on Wisconsin farms.
The Farm Bureau has been working with the Wisconsin Health Project, and others to develop a market-based, consumer-driven reform plan that makes health insurance more affordable for farmers, and improves the level of coverage they need.

The Task force would analyze the impact and benefits to farmers on different legislative reforms and make recommendations on positions on legislative initiatives and identify health care partnership opportunities. The panel would consist of Farm Bureau members, insurance and tax specialists, health insurance administrators, and others who have the desire and insights to help Farm Bureau raise the awareness of the health care situation agriculture faces.

An oyster by any other name

This guy looks like he’s having way too much fun at the Oyster Feed in Ada County, Idaho. Prairie oysters, Montana tendergroins, or cowboy caviar…call them what you want, but you can have them. Just this morning as I walked into work, my friends at the Action Shopper were talking about this Western delicacy. The conversation brought to mind a morning spent with our veterinarian years ago.

After dehorning calves (one of my least favorite jobs) the vet asked if I could give him a hand in the pen with the bull calves. Thinking he wanted me to hold onto them while he worked on the business end castrating them, I was surprised when he handed me a long plastic glove.

“Here, can you hold this while I collect a few of these morsels,” he asked. Knowing he was trying to draw some kind of reaction from me, I assured him it was no problem. Two by two, he dropped the steaming testicles into the plastic glove, all the while telling me about the 101 ways you could prepare these gems.

If you can imagine Forrest Gump listening to Pvt. Bubba Blue’s litany of ways to prepare shrimp, Dr. Bob’s recitation went something like this…”you can peel them, wash them and then roll them in flour and pepper and put them in a pan, or you can deep fry them whole or slice them up”.

In case you were wondering, eating animal genitalia dates back to ancient Roman times when it was believed that eating a healthy animal’s organ might correct some ailment in the corresponding human organ of the male person eating it. Hmmmmm…now what would that suggest about the group of guys waiting for these things down at the Four Mile House?