Calling all Cops!

Sitting here in my office in Waupun I get to listen in to the pulse of the community via the police scanner. While us reporters get to hear a wide variety of what's going on outside the newsroom walls, it's really the dispatchers that are on the front lines...answering the calls from citizens that range from dogs left out in the cold, cows on the loose, medical emergencies, vehicle accidents and more.

What I'm sure we don't hear or read about in the dispatch logs are all the calls that would make great material for David Letterman and Jay Leno's nightly monologues. Just the other day a reader sent me some transcripts (which he claimed were legit) of 911 calls to law enforcement agencies.

So, while the temps hover in the -20 below range, pull up a seat and decide for yourself if the following calls are actually real. Or instead, just enjoy the craziness. And remember, dialing 911 is reserved for real (not imagined) emergencies.


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the
bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.